"And how should I presume?"

Just one awkward twenty-something who hopes to, one day, change the world.

Cast of characters:

The Anna to my Elsa (and tag)
The Michael to my Wendy Darling (and tag)
The Wash to my Zoe (and tag)
The John to my Sherlock
The Keladry to my Alanna
The Mal to my Zoe

This Journal Is QUILTBAG Positive

This Journal Is Sex Work Positive

This Journal Is Body Positive

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Posts tagged "sex education"















dear internet, let me tell you some things about my public-school-in-georgia sex education.

pictured above is my abstinence til marriage card, given to me in my eighth grade health class. as you can see, i did not sign it, so it is non-binding. they were “optional” but the teacher placed the basket at the front of the class and stared us down. my 13-year-old self had a very brief dilemma between 1. making a stand and not getting one or 2. getting one because it’s fucking hilarious. i am very glad i chose the latter, because as i predicted, this is now something hilarious to show everyone.

that year in health we also learned “how to spot the identifying features of a crack baby” which is literally nothing but lies. we had a system of anonymous questions, and once someone asked “how do i know if i’m a lesbian?” our teacher looked disgusted and she replied “how would i know? i’m not a lesbian!”

EDIT i forgot to mention when she gave these to us she suggested we “cut up our cards together with our husbands on our wedding day” and i remember thinking, fuck if i marry someone from my middle school

the next time i had sex ed in high school it was taught by a dude gym coach who spent the whole time talking about his daughters. the book we were learning from listed “low self-esteem” “stunted social growth” and “depression,” among others, as consequences of premarital sex. at one point, it asked us to fill in the disadvantages of having an abortion. our teacher went, “well, i’m personally against abortion, so we’re just going to skip this section,” which confused me, because it was explicitly asking for an argument against abortion.

the last time i had sex ed it was pretty good and there were free condoms and we got little bottles of lube every time we answered questions, but i don’t think that counts cause it was in an intro to women’s studies class.

in my 8th grade health class we watched this video about abstinence and the slogan was “a condom can’t protect your heart”

Our school made us watch a video with some man talking about how virginity was like a flower and that whenever we had sex with someone we’d give a bit of that flower away. Then when we met someone we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with we’d just be left with a wilted stem and a couple of petals when we should be giving them a whole flower.

I really wish I was joking.

In church they used to tell us that we were like cupcakes and if we were physically intimate with our partners it was like getting the icing licked off, and therefore no one would want you afterwards because no one wants a licked cupcake. 

in my sex ed class we did this demonstration where they had this line of kids swish and spit out water and combine the nasty backwash to make this gross concoction as a metaphor for how sex before marriage makes you dirty and gross

fucking public education

I might as well add my church group.  We had to open a kiss candy, put it in our mouth, melt it a little bit and then put it back in the wrapper.  From their we had to hand it someone else and they explained, “this is what happens when you have sex before marriage.  You have to give those dirty leftovers to your spouse.”

In my grade 8 “sex ed” class we all listened to the song “I dreamed a dream” from Les Mis and then the teacher was like THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU HAVE SEX and I really kind of wanted to do it just to see if I really would become a 19th century French prostitute with a beautiful singing voice

Every time I hear stories like these, I think what the fuck kind of a sex education did you American kids get omfg.

We don’t get sex education - at least a lot of us don’t. We get scare tactics.

I didn’t get sex ed at all. My Christian parents wrote notes to whoever my health teacher was that year telling them they weren’t comfortable with me learning that kind of stuff from a “stranger” and that they’d rather teach me themselves.

They never taught me.

I had to find a book and teach it to myself. Do you know how long it was before I found out the thing I’ve got is called a vagina?

My health class teacher in 8th grade made us watch a real live birth video and kept screaming at us that childbirth would be so much worse and so much more painful if we weren’t married to whoever “helped make the baby juice”

My ‘sex ed’ consisted of my mom handing me a book and leaving me alone for a few hours to read it ((i was homeschooled)); it was filled with stories of how sex before marriage ruined these few people’s lives, how no one would want you if you were sexually active before marriage, all that fun stuff. And even then it just had a VERY basic diagram of female parts and that’s it. Not even an actual explanation of the act of sex.

And then she wouldn’t even answer any questions on the subject. All the rest I had to search out and discover online.

We didn’t even learn about sex. We learned about the “science of making babies” and the Catholic church’s view on sex.

I don’t even remember what I was taught about sex. All I remember is never hearing anything about it from my parents, to the point where during the Puberty Talk in 5th grade I had no idea what a vagina was and raised my hand in class to ask.

It didn’t end well.

I also remember accidentally seeing my brother naked one time when I was much younger, and seeing he had a penis and wondering what was wrong with me, why I didn’t have one, and when I would grow one.

Nobody taught me any different until that class.

Everything I know now is entirely self taught. Thanks mom and dad. I was a laughingstock for two years because of you.

I thought that babies were a spontaneous event (as in, they just naturally occurred, like getting taller) until fifth grade, when I by chance found a health book from the seventies that gave new parents advice on what to tell your children about sex and when. The explanation they said was suitable for five-year-olds (“the father slips his penis into the mother’s vagina”) was the first time I’d ever heard anything of the sort. Everything I’ve ever learned is entirely self-taught from the internet or books.



Sources: [x] [x]

this makes me so sad.

Not even mentioning that three states have a law that states that if homosexuality is covered, it must always be in a negative light.

(via jazzygingery)






Well you can tell them, but they’re probably too busy making fake healthcare sites to listen.

(via feminist-submissive)



People mistake ovulation and menstruation to be the same thing when in fact they aren’t

Ovulation is when the eggs are saying “hello friends I am here”

And menstuation is when the eggs are saying “goodbye friends I am gone”


(via i-was-so-alone-i-owe-you-so-much)

Heteronormativity includes the multiple, often mundane ways through which heterosexuality overwhelmingly structures and “pervasively and insidiously” orders “everyday existence” (Jackson; Kitzinger). Heteronormativity structures social life so that heterosexuality is always assumed, expected, ordinary, and privileged. It’s pervasiveness makes it difficult for people to imagine other ways of life

Martin and Kazyak - “Hetero-Romantic Love and Heterosexiness in Children’s G-Rated Films” (via socialjusticetoddler)

Let’s talk about heteronormativity in sex education for a second. Because many sex education classes practice heteronormativity they don’t take the time to address sexual and relationship issues that specifically impact QUILTBAG+ individuals (cisnormativity is also a big part of this).

This means that we have a whole bunch of people growing up thinking lesbians can’t get STIs. That’s a huge myth I’ve encountered a lot and even seen portrayed in the media. We aren’t taught about dental dams because they are usually used by two DFAB partners, even though they should be used with any couple type. We aren’t taught about internal condoms being used with anal sex because this is mostly seen in the queer community. We aren’t taught about the social impact of HIV stigma in queer communities. We aren’t taught about the resources available for same gender couples that involve abuse. We aren’t taught that some of the resources available to straight couples aren’t open or accepting of other couples. We aren’t taught that these feelings of attraction (or lack of attraction) are normal. A lot of oppression and bigotry is created because of lack of education. If we were educating about QUILTBAG+ people within sex education there would be less misinformation and stigma. If we taught about intersex development there would be not only less stigma towards them but it would also be a great segue into how sex isn’t a binary and gender isn’t a binary as well as other sexual conditions that get left out. 

I’m sure there are even more issues I’m leaving out, but the point is we should be making sex education classes, hell all classes with both heteronormativity, cisnormativity, and dyadicnormativity (erasure of intersex individuals) in mind.

(via grimgrinninggirl)

(via grimgrinninggirl)

see, I think sex should be treated more like swimming. like, with swimming:

  • there are depictions of it in media, and nobody is afraid that seeing someone swim on TV will cause a wild swimming craze
  • it’s just one activity among many a person can choose to do
  • you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to
  • it comes with safety equipment (lifejackets, pool floaties, kickboards) that you’re taught to use
  • there are rules regarding proper conduct, health, and safety (no dunking, no peeing in the pool, no diving into the shallow end) that people are expected to follow
  • you’re not allowed to do it unless you know what you’re doing and can be safe while doing it
  • and there are resources (like lifeguards) to help you in case something bad does happen

so why don’t people treat sex like they do swimming

it would make things so much easier



The prostate is not a “bundle of nerves.” It is a gland. Continuous stimulation of it can cause nice lovely pleasurable feelings for some men. Just touching it once will not generally cause lovely instant pleasurable feelings the same way a clitoris (usually) does.

There are some nerve endings of course, but there are nerve endings all over the shop back there, and that’s not really what specifically makes prostate stimulation funtimes. Calling it a “bundle of nerves” is really, actually, not at all an accurate description.

(via jcatgrl)


High School Teacher Under Investigation For Saying “Vagina” During Anatomy Lesson

High school science teacher Tim McDaniel is being investigated by Idaho’s professional standards commission because he allegedly used the word “vagina” while teaching a 10th grade biology lesson on reproduction and anatomy.

According to a report from the Times-News, four parents complained to school officials after learning that McDaniel explained the biology of an orgasm and used the word “vagina” during a lesson on human reproduction in his sophomore science class.

A disciplinary letter from the Idaho State Department of Education also accused McDaniels of showing a video clip in class depicting an infection of genital herpes and teaching about different forms of birth control. The letter also alleges that McDaniels told inappropriate jokes in class.

McDaniel also found himself in hot water for asking his students to write a critical response paper on climate change after showing them “An Inconvenient Truth.

But his students are defending him, arguing in a petition that parents from their conservative community in Dietrich are trying to push a political agenda by getting their biology teacher fired:

[T]here are a couple people in the community that are trying to get Mr. McDaniel fired for teaching the reproductive system, climate change, and several other science subjects. All these subjects were taught from the book and in good taste. He cares for each of his students and goes the extra mile to help them all. Now is the time for us to help by supporting him!

For his part, McDaniel is perplexed by the accusations, telling the Times-News: “I teach straight out of the textbook, I don’t include anything that the textbook doesn’t mention. But I give every student the option not attend this class when I teach on the reproductive system if they don’t feel comfortable with the material.

This sort of thing makes you worry about what you teach,” he added. “That’s not right.

(via iamacollectionofmiscellanyandtea)




This would be sad if it weren’t so unintentionally funny. An angry woman protesting her local high school’s sex-ed curriculum gets way, way too personal, telling the school board that students “aren’t ready to have AIDS” (um, is anyone?) and revealing that she’s a 56-year-old virgin.

“I don’t think people know that you can have sexual satisfaction without taking your clothes off,” she says before the moderator shuts her down.

Make sure to follow HyperVocal for more news and nonsense.

This is too perfect.

Because sex (or being sexual) and AIDS are the same thing, so let’s NOT teach safe sex. Perfect.

I’m just… I can’t even. I have lost the ability to can.

(via holisticsexualhealth)



Any followers with experience from either side of the University rankings?

Ohio State is pretty sexually-open. The Student Health Center encourages students to come to them for contraception and they’re always willing to answer questions. I don’t know how trans* friendly they are, but they’re very inclusive of sexualities.

Hollins is lovely. We have access to condoms AND dental dams, and we got little baggies with each (plus a romantic novel and an insert about sexual health) at one point. No idea how trans* friendly they are, but we have trans* students, so. And no idea about STD-testing.

Pales in comparison to boyfriend’s college. They had Sex Positivity Week, and they screened a movie about kink and had a night where you could talk about your firsts - first kiss, sexual debut, first skydiving experience, whatever - and that was so cool and I was ridiculously envious.


Low sex drive can be due to several factors, it can be due to medication, hormones, illness (psychological and physical), and age.

With medication, not only is loss of arousal, orgasm, ejaculation, or sex drive a common side effect, but also whatever you’re treating could cause it as well. The main thing is medication that affects hormone levels, which mostly includes medication for psychological illnesses or birth control. Although so much goes into sex drives, hormones do play a big part. How you’re feeling and your psychological well-being also play a big part so if your medication messes that up it could affect your sex drive. If your medication is affecting your sex life, DON’T just stop taking it. Going off medication is really dangerous. Talk to your doctor about it. There may be a kind of medication that doesn’t affect your sex drive. Also, different brands affect different people differently. Basically, switching brand might be able to help. Whenever I was on Depo Provera I had no sex drive, couldn’t get lubricated, and orgasm was nearly impossible. As soon as I switched it was all better. Sometimes switching medication doesn’t help or the medication can’t be switched and you need this medication. There are ways you can boost your sex drive, which we’ll talk about in a bit.

As stated earlier, your mind is a big part of your sex drive. The biggest killer of sex drive is stress and anxiety as well as depression. Taking care of your stress can help immensely. The biggest help is talking to someone. Talk to your friends and partners about what’s going on in your life. If you have a lot of anxiety or depression, maybe check out a therapist. Learn relaxation techniques like meditation. The main thing is to focus on your breathing and to relax all your muscles. If you have any anxiety or unresolved issues in the relationship or about your body or your own sexuality discuss that with your partner. Tell them about all your insecurities and the issues you have. Talking it out and being honest is a big help. If you feel any anxiety about the relationship, your partner, your body, sex in general, or your sexuality you need to work that out first. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you’re not going to be comfortable enough to get into sex. You need to work through any issues you have with YOURSELF as well. Tell yourself you’re beautiful and worthy of love every day.

Unhealthy living, like using substances like alcohol, tobacco or certain drugs, eating unhealthy foods that make you feel sluggish, or not getting enough sleep can also affect it. Although alcohol and some drugs can make you less inhibited, enough use does dull your senses and can inhibit your brain chemicals which as we already discussed can really affect your sexuality. Things that make you tired like certain foods or not getting enough sleep or working too hard can really affect your sex. If you’re tired or sick feeling you’re not going to want to have sex. You have to take care of yourself and make sure you’re healthy. Doing some kind of exercise, even just walking or doing housework or dancing in your underwear is good. Sex is a work out; if you’re not physically fit for it it’s more difficult to do it and to get in the mood.

Of course, there are physical conditions that can make sex less fun. Things like chronic pain illnesses, menopause, hormone imbalances (especially low testosterone), or erectile dysfunction can cause problems. Whenever you have any problems, like not being able to orgasm or ejaculate or hold an erection even when masturbating or if you have any pain with sex see a doctor. You don’t have to just “put up” with intimate problems. Doctors get questions about sex all the time, you won’t be asking something they haven’t been asked before!

Now onto the big question, how do you up your sex drive, arousal, and ability to orgasm. First thing, foreplay and intimacy. Increase your time being with your partner. Just hang out, casually touching. Be naked together, not necessarily sexually, just be naked to get used to each other’s naked body. Give each other massages, cuddle, do things together. Spend a lot of time just touching each other, caressing each other, explore your bodies. Comfort is such a huge thing, you really need to get to know your partner’s body as well as your own and get used to being intimate. You need to schedule a stress free sex time. If you’re on a time limit or there’s any fear of getting caught or needing to leave, it can be difficult to get aroused! Another huge step is preparation. Part of foreplay is preparing your body. You need to get aroused enough either through touching with hands, rubbing body parts together, or oral sex, or anything else you find erotic. The main thing is to go as slow as you need. It may take extra work but you’ll get to arousal! Keep the line of communication open. Tell each other what you want and what feels good. Share fantasies you haven’t tried! Watch some pornography together. Watch each other masturbate. Get some sex toys, a vibrator can help with vaginal/clitoral arousal, a cock ring or penis teaser can help with maintaining erections. Try new positions or types of sexual activity. Experiment with your OWN sexuality. Masturbate! Use different techniques, pressures and sex toys. Use whatever you need to orgasm and be fully aroused and then gradually use less pressure and friction until you are more sensitive and get aroused easier with less stimulation. Another huge problem with libido issues is not producing enough lubrication. You may need to use lube to be comfortable and that’s okay. Again, the main thing is being comfortable and especially with penetration you or your partner need to be lubricated enough. The main thing with trying to reach orgasm is to not stress out or get too obsessed with it. Just do what feels good. Don’t focus on the orgasm or what’s not happening, just focus on the pleasure you feel, connecting with your partner and your body and what is happening.

There are things you can try that can boost your libido. There are a lot of arousal oils and products; although some don’t work or can even backfire it doesn’t hurt to try. Just look at the ingredient list and make sure you’re not putting anything dangerous in your body! You can also try natural aphrodisiacs you eat like oysters, yohimbine, gingko biloba, celery, bananas, avocado, almonds, mangoes, peaches, strawberries, eggs, liver, figs, garlic, chocolate, onion, scallion, leek, chives, cardamom, anise, turmeric, cayenne pepper, balck pepper, halibut, salmon, ginger, cinnamon, fennel, horseradish, sardines, shellfish, or asparagus or anything that is fun to eat. You can eat food off each other, although avoid sugars around the vagina. Of course, if all else fails you can try medication. People with penises have a lot of “male enhancements” to choose from, Viagra being the most common. Unfortunately there’s not much for those of us with vaginas. The main treatment is hormone therapy. Of course, seeing a doctor and asking what they think would help a lot.

Some people aren’t able to orgasm and that’s fine. Some people have lower libidos than others. The main thing is that YOU are happy. If you don’t mesh well sexually with your partner and they want more or less sex than you talk it out. If you’re not able to orgasm or it takes a lot for you to orgasm let them know. Underline the fact that it’s not on them, that that’s just the way your body is. Don’t push yourself into anything you’re not comfortable with and don’t stress out too much about sex. Sex is supposed to be fun! If you’re too busy worrying about if you’re doing it right (especially when there is no one right way to do it) then you’re not going to have fun. Just do what makes you happy and don’t stress the rest.

I love fuckyeahsexeducation, so I’m kind of following in their footsteps by making a relationship/feminsim/GSM/sex positive blog. Please feel free to send me asks!

You cannot have sex education without saying that sex is natural and that most people find it pleasurable.

BRUNO BETTELHEIM, “Our Children Are Treated Like Idiots,” Psychology Today, Jul. 1981

(via marapp)

(via fuckyeahsexeducation)