People mistake ovulation and menstruation to be the same thing when in fact they aren’t
Ovulation is when the eggs are saying “hello friends I am here”
And menstuation is when the eggs are saying “goodbye friends I am gone”
THIS EXPLAINS THE DIFFERENCE 40x BETTER THAN MY ENTIRE SEVENTH GRADE SEX ED CLASS.
Martin and Kazyak - “Hetero-Romantic Love and Heterosexiness in Children’s G-Rated Films” (via socialjusticetoddler)
Let’s talk about heteronormativity in sex education for a second. Because many sex education classes practice heteronormativity they don’t take the time to address sexual and relationship issues that specifically impact QUILTBAG+ individuals (cisnormativity is also a big part of this).
This means that we have a whole bunch of people growing up thinking lesbians can’t get STIs. That’s a huge myth I’ve encountered a lot and even seen portrayed in the media. We aren’t taught about dental dams because they are usually used by two DFAB partners, even though they should be used with any couple type. We aren’t taught about internal condoms being used with anal sex because this is mostly seen in the queer community. We aren’t taught about the social impact of HIV stigma in queer communities. We aren’t taught about the resources available for same gender couples that involve abuse. We aren’t taught that some of the resources available to straight couples aren’t open or accepting of other couples. We aren’t taught that these feelings of attraction (or lack of attraction) are normal. A lot of oppression and bigotry is created because of lack of education. If we were educating about QUILTBAG+ people within sex education there would be less misinformation and stigma. If we taught about intersex development there would be not only less stigma towards them but it would also be a great segue into how sex isn’t a binary and gender isn’t a binary as well as other sexual conditions that get left out.
I’m sure there are even more issues I’m leaving out, but the point is we should be making sex education classes, hell all classes with both heteronormativity, cisnormativity, and dyadicnormativity (erasure of intersex individuals) in mind.
see, I think sex should be treated more like swimming. like, with swimming:
so why don’t people treat sex like they do swimming
it would make things so much easier
OKAY, ONE MORE TIME, PEOPLE, SAY IT WITH ME:
The prostate is not a “bundle of nerves.” It is a gland. Continuous stimulation of it can cause nice lovely pleasurable feelings for some men. Just touching it once will not generally cause lovely instant pleasurable feelings the same way a clitoris (usually) does.
There are some nerve endings of course, but there are nerve endings all over the shop back there, and that’s not really what specifically makes prostate stimulation funtimes. Calling it a “bundle of nerves” is really, actually, not at all an accurate description.
Low sex drive can be due to several factors, it can be due to medication, hormones, illness (psychological and physical), and age.
With medication, not only is loss of arousal, orgasm, ejaculation, or sex drive a common side effect, but also whatever you’re treating could cause it as well. The main thing is medication that affects hormone levels, which mostly includes medication for psychological illnesses or birth control. Although so much goes into sex drives, hormones do play a big part. How you’re feeling and your psychological well-being also play a big part so if your medication messes that up it could affect your sex drive. If your medication is affecting your sex life, DON’T just stop taking it. Going off medication is really dangerous. Talk to your doctor about it. There may be a kind of medication that doesn’t affect your sex drive. Also, different brands affect different people differently. Basically, switching brand might be able to help. Whenever I was on Depo Provera I had no sex drive, couldn’t get lubricated, and orgasm was nearly impossible. As soon as I switched it was all better. Sometimes switching medication doesn’t help or the medication can’t be switched and you need this medication. There are ways you can boost your sex drive, which we’ll talk about in a bit.
As stated earlier, your mind is a big part of your sex drive. The biggest killer of sex drive is stress and anxiety as well as depression. Taking care of your stress can help immensely. The biggest help is talking to someone. Talk to your friends and partners about what’s going on in your life. If you have a lot of anxiety or depression, maybe check out a therapist. Learn relaxation techniques like meditation. The main thing is to focus on your breathing and to relax all your muscles. If you have any anxiety or unresolved issues in the relationship or about your body or your own sexuality discuss that with your partner. Tell them about all your insecurities and the issues you have. Talking it out and being honest is a big help. If you feel any anxiety about the relationship, your partner, your body, sex in general, or your sexuality you need to work that out first. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you’re not going to be comfortable enough to get into sex. You need to work through any issues you have with YOURSELF as well. Tell yourself you’re beautiful and worthy of love every day.
Unhealthy living, like using substances like alcohol, tobacco or certain drugs, eating unhealthy foods that make you feel sluggish, or not getting enough sleep can also affect it. Although alcohol and some drugs can make you less inhibited, enough use does dull your senses and can inhibit your brain chemicals which as we already discussed can really affect your sexuality. Things that make you tired like certain foods or not getting enough sleep or working too hard can really affect your sex. If you’re tired or sick feeling you’re not going to want to have sex. You have to take care of yourself and make sure you’re healthy. Doing some kind of exercise, even just walking or doing housework or dancing in your underwear is good. Sex is a work out; if you’re not physically fit for it it’s more difficult to do it and to get in the mood.
Of course, there are physical conditions that can make sex less fun. Things like chronic pain illnesses, menopause, hormone imbalances (especially low testosterone), or erectile dysfunction can cause problems. Whenever you have any problems, like not being able to orgasm or ejaculate or hold an erection even when masturbating or if you have any pain with sex see a doctor. You don’t have to just “put up” with intimate problems. Doctors get questions about sex all the time, you won’t be asking something they haven’t been asked before!
Now onto the big question, how do you up your sex drive, arousal, and ability to orgasm. First thing, foreplay and intimacy. Increase your time being with your partner. Just hang out, casually touching. Be naked together, not necessarily sexually, just be naked to get used to each other’s naked body. Give each other massages, cuddle, do things together. Spend a lot of time just touching each other, caressing each other, explore your bodies. Comfort is such a huge thing, you really need to get to know your partner’s body as well as your own and get used to being intimate. You need to schedule a stress free sex time. If you’re on a time limit or there’s any fear of getting caught or needing to leave, it can be difficult to get aroused! Another huge step is preparation. Part of foreplay is preparing your body. You need to get aroused enough either through touching with hands, rubbing body parts together, or oral sex, or anything else you find erotic. The main thing is to go as slow as you need. It may take extra work but you’ll get to arousal! Keep the line of communication open. Tell each other what you want and what feels good. Share fantasies you haven’t tried! Watch some pornography together. Watch each other masturbate. Get some sex toys, a vibrator can help with vaginal/clitoral arousal, a cock ring or penis teaser can help with maintaining erections. Try new positions or types of sexual activity. Experiment with your OWN sexuality. Masturbate! Use different techniques, pressures and sex toys. Use whatever you need to orgasm and be fully aroused and then gradually use less pressure and friction until you are more sensitive and get aroused easier with less stimulation. Another huge problem with libido issues is not producing enough lubrication. You may need to use lube to be comfortable and that’s okay. Again, the main thing is being comfortable and especially with penetration you or your partner need to be lubricated enough. The main thing with trying to reach orgasm is to not stress out or get too obsessed with it. Just do what feels good. Don’t focus on the orgasm or what’s not happening, just focus on the pleasure you feel, connecting with your partner and your body and what is happening.
There are things you can try that can boost your libido. There are a lot of arousal oils and products; although some don’t work or can even backfire it doesn’t hurt to try. Just look at the ingredient list and make sure you’re not putting anything dangerous in your body! You can also try natural aphrodisiacs you eat like oysters, yohimbine, gingko biloba, celery, bananas, avocado, almonds, mangoes, peaches, strawberries, eggs, liver, figs, garlic, chocolate, onion, scallion, leek, chives, cardamom, anise, turmeric, cayenne pepper, balck pepper, halibut, salmon, ginger, cinnamon, fennel, horseradish, sardines, shellfish, or asparagus or anything that is fun to eat. You can eat food off each other, although avoid sugars around the vagina. Of course, if all else fails you can try medication. People with penises have a lot of “male enhancements” to choose from, Viagra being the most common. Unfortunately there’s not much for those of us with vaginas. The main treatment is hormone therapy. Of course, seeing a doctor and asking what they think would help a lot.
Some people aren’t able to orgasm and that’s fine. Some people have lower libidos than others. The main thing is that YOU are happy. If you don’t mesh well sexually with your partner and they want more or less sex than you talk it out. If you’re not able to orgasm or it takes a lot for you to orgasm let them know. Underline the fact that it’s not on them, that that’s just the way your body is. Don’t push yourself into anything you’re not comfortable with and don’t stress out too much about sex. Sex is supposed to be fun! If you’re too busy worrying about if you’re doing it right (especially when there is no one right way to do it) then you’re not going to have fun. Just do what makes you happy and don’t stress the rest.