"And how should I presume?"

Just one awkward twenty-something who hopes to, one day, change the world.

Cast of characters:

The Anna to my Elsa (and tag)
The Michael to my Wendy Darling (and tag)
The Wash to my Zoe (and tag)
The John to my Sherlock
The Keladry to my Alanna
The Mal to my Zoe

This Journal Is QUILTBAG Positive

This Journal Is Sex Work Positive

This Journal Is Body Positive

This Journal Is Positive

Posts I Like
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Posts tagged "relationships"

this is the kind of relationship we have

I blog about feminism and he woos me with communism

It’s my four year anniversary with zrayak!

"Cutoff culture", "the friendzone": these are just neologisms used by men to mask or soften the reality that they have been – and have the right to be – rejected by women. They’re attitudes stemming from the assumption that men are owed something by women. Guys in the friendzone should be expecting sex for their kindness; otherwise what’s the point of hanging out with girls? Men whose exes broke up with them and then cut them off deserve explanations as to why, as detailed as they want, for as long as they want them – regardless of the fact that their frightening post-breakup behavior should be explanation enough. And when they’re not busy making up new words to describe their interactions with women, men with these hangups are giving existing words new meaning: "stalking" becomes "tenacity"; "pathetic public wailing" becomes a "romantic gesture"; the intense desire to not be rejected is actually the intense feeling of love.


I don’t believe in telling unhappy single people to be happy. It’s dismissive.

I’ve read so many articles that say all of this crap like “This is the time of self-discovery!” as if a healthy relationship inhibits personal growth. Or “You need to learn to be alone before you can have a partner” like every single person’s problem is not that they want a partner but that they hate being alone.

Some people just don’t like being single. It doesn’t make them desperate or broken. It’s simply that some people prefer having romantic companionship and see their lives as being in part fulfilled by that. Just like some people dream of having children or dream of having a specific career.

(via reagan-was-a-horrible-president)

Asker Anonymous Asks:
BB you're the best person to ask. I came out as trans in June. I'm pre-EVERYTHING, but I generally pass as male most of the time unless someone (my family) messes up the name. The problem is I'm 27 and I'm passing as a teenage boy. This has created a problem. My neighbor's 17YO daughter has a crush on me (she told me) and I told her I'm flattered but not interested/too old for her/taken but she's not. getting. it. I don't want to be an ass about it but I'm afraid I'll have to be. Help!
bemusedlybespectacled bemusedlybespectacled Said:

I think you’ve got two ways you could go about this. They are the Bubble Way and the Balloon Way.

The first way, you just avoid. Pop all the bubbles.

"Hey, you wanna talk right now?" "Sorry, I’m busy."
"Want to hang out?" "Sorry, I can’t."
"I really like you!" "Thank you, but I’m not interested."

The key here is to be short and direct. You are popping individual bubbles with the hope that eventually she will lose interest. 

Alternatively, you pop the balloon. You tell her, in the medium that you prefer, that you do not reciprocate her interest, and you would appreciate it if she didn’t bring it up again, because it’s kind of awkward.

With some people, being clear and obvious isn’t enough, and you might have to be a bit of an asshole if that’s what it takes to get them to leave you alone. I’d use that as a last resort, with “ignore her on everything, don’t talk to her in any way” as a second-to-last resort. Hopefully she’ll get over it once she realizes that you’re holding firm on this.

I’d also let go of excuses: you’re not interested. That’s it. “Taken” or “too old for you” gives her a way in, because what happens when you’re not taken or once she’s not seventeen? It gives her something to hope for. “Not interested” is clear and direct.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
What do you look for in a boyfriend?
bemusedlybespectacled bemusedlybespectacled Said:


Drift compatibility

Romantic love, as we understand it, is a colonial construct. It is an all-consuming, possessive, lifelong, monogamous endeavor that works to sustain capitalism and white supremacist heteropatriarchy via the nuclear family. We are told that this romantic love is essential, shaping it as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Were we to sustain ourselves on self-love, platonic love, and love of community, what could change?

We could see the beauty of our interdependence, rather than individuals competing for higher wages and standards of living at the expense of each other. The formation of families, rather than communities, creates hierarchies of which people are worthy and deserving of our attention, protection and devotion. With a restructuring of romantic love as comparable to community/platonic/self-love, we begin to prioritize the care and livelihood of entire larger groups of people as equally important as our romantic partner/s.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Would a relationship between a 21 and a 16 year old be bad?
bemusedlybespectacled bemusedlybespectacled Said:










I dunno call your local police department and see what they think of it 

As long as they aren’t a person of authority, in Colorado you’d be okay anon.

I highly recommend you all know the consent laws in your states.


Just because it is technically legal does not make it ok, or right. 

Consent laws are legalized sexual abuse. Sixteen year old children are NOT capable of properly consenting and carrying out a relationship with an adult.  

Pretty much dude ~ Stop acting that ‘age is just a number’ especially when you’re going through puberty, a 13 year old and a 16 year, age wise only three years apart, but mentally and emotionally? Vastly different, same with a 16 year old and a 21 year old 

Really Ten? A 5 year difference? And all this ageist crap? 

I mean, yeah, I was fully on board with you with the whole teenager/40 year old dude creepy stuff. I was 18 when I started seeing my datemate when they were 15, and we’ve been together for years now. Calling that sexual abuse is pretty fucked up in my opinion, js. Especially when I’ve actually been a victim of sexual abuse in my life.

ya’ll can leave. I don’t care. 16 year old should not be dating a 21 year old, I don’t give a fuck. Ya’ll can leave. image

I don’t care about other people’s experience w sexual abuse or ageism haha watch me post this funni gif

ten confirmed for shitty person haha lolk nah im out

If you honestly think that, then yes, please. fucking. leave. Cause you ain’t paying attention. 

an 18 year old in high school being with a 15 year old who’s also in high school is VERY different from a 21 year old being with a 16 year old!! age differences matter more the younger the people in them are. for example, would you think a 13 year old dating an 11 year old is appropriate?? of course not, because they’re in completely different stages of development. that’s only a 2 year difference but because kids are still developing very quickly from age 5-14, the power differential between them is concerning. a 13 year old is so much more developed than an 11 year old that it’s highly likely for the 13 year old to abuse their younger partner.

the same is true of a 21 year old being with a 16 year old, AND an 18 year old being with a 15 year old. but the 21/16 relationship is of far more concern because how the fuck does a 21 year old even MEET a 16 year old?? at least the 18/15 couple probably met in school or through friends, but a 21 year old has to actively seek out a relationship with a 16 year old: WHICH SHOULD BE OF CONCERN TO EVERYONE EVER. a 21 year old being with a 16 year old isn’t that bad by itself, but once you realize that with the fact that there’s almost no way for a 21 year old and a 16 year old to meet in a non-creepy way it’s pretty clear that it’s fucked up and inappropriate.

I’m twenty, and my little brother is fifteen. In a few months we’ll be twenty-one and sixteen.

I’m almost old enough to drink. I’m going to be in my final year of college. My brother, on the other hand, is only just going into his sophomore year of high school. He hasn’t even taken his PSATs yet. There is such a massive world of difference between me and him, and even though we get along fine, there is no way I can see myself dating someone his age.

Going strictly by the years of age difference, it’s not a big deal. But given the vast differences in where we are as people, I cannot imagine anyone my age dating anyone his age. I do agree with nuanced age of consent laws (the line needs to be drawn somewhere), but seriously: if a 21-year-old and a 16-year-old want to be in a relationship, which can’t the 21-year-old (the actual adult) wait for the 16-year-old to be in a better place developmentally? Why can’t the adult behave responsibly? Why is it so necessary to preserve this relationship when they could wait until they’re at the more reasonable ages of, say, 18 and 23? Or 20 and 25?




on a scale of “I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair” to “Cell Block Tango” how bad was your break up

"All I Ask of You Reprise"


(via inside-the-mind-of-a-nerddess)

Date someone who gives you the same feeling of when you see your food coming at a restaurant
THE REALEST THING I HAVE EVER READ (via lilwombatprincess)

(via acciosomething)

Over and over again, Reifman insists that everything happened without explanation and that he needs “closure” and that he deserves some sort of “resolution” to the end of their (again: four month) relationship. This is something I see over and over again – mostly from men, but from women too – people complaining that they can’t get over someone because they need “closure”. In theory, the idea behind closure is that either by confronting the issues that ended the relationship or having a final airing of grievances, the afflicted party will finally be able to tie their relationship up in a neat bow and sail off into the sunset. Except… that’s not only not how things work but that’s usually not what they want in the first place. Nine times out of ten, when someone’s looking for “closure”, what they’re really looking for is vindication. They want an explanation that they can accept – preferably one that explains why they’re the wronged party. But here’s the thing: you don’t really want the truth because the truth is ugly. The truth is unpleasant. And frankly, the truth isn’t going to satisfy you because the truth is messy. It’s not always going to be something you can understand or wrap your head around. Sometimes it’s going to be “you make my vagina cry”. How, exactly, is that going to help you “get over things”? What resolution is that going to give you?

"Cutoff Culture" And the Myth of Closure - Paging Dr. NerdLove (via brutereason)

Any time someone brings up “closure,” I think of this comic from SMBC.

(via brutereason)



stop romanticizing the idea of becoming so dependent on another human being that you cannot function adequately without their presence goodbye


(via chig-let)


friends turned lovers is literally my favorite trope - like, all other tropes can go home.

give me shared inside jokes that date back to wayyyyy before a first kiss was ever shared. give me living together with separate bedrooms until one of them gradually becomes unnecessary. give me confused reactions from people who already assumed the two of them were dating. give me arguments over what counts as an anniversary because should we start at the date we met or the date we became friends or the date we got over our stupid selves and finally started kissing?

give me stories that show the line between friends and lovers is a really, really thin one - that appreciating the friendship that two characters share doesn’t mean you can’t ship them really damn hard too. that you can keep all the awesome friends-being-assholes-to-each-other stuff and add on all the shippy stuff to get something extra special awesome.

give me all of that.

(via marbhan)


Jana Romanova a Russian photographer captures couples in their sleep to explore their cultural attitude inside their families. Since she didn’t want them to pose she had to stick around their house till they fall asleep deeply and she would take the picture at 5-6 am. The project was named “Waiting” as they are parents to be.

"when people don’t really care about their appearance and one can see their attitude to each other and to this life that is growing inside their family."

(via owlandish)


my boyfriend keeps making these ridiculous faces while we’re skyping

how did I fall in love with such an absolute dork