"And how should I presume?"

copperbadge:

As a book, I love Ender’s Game to tiny pieces. It’s the anthem for the smart young outsider, and it’s a hell of an adventure story. I love it and I’m ashamed of how much I love it because it’s written by this man:

“Regardless of law, marriage has only one definition, and any government that attempts to change it is my mortal enemy. I will act to destroy that government and bring it down, so it can be replaced with a government that will respect and support marriage.” —Orson Scott Card

Orson Scott Card sits on the board of the National Organization for Marriage, attempting to ensure the second-class treatment of queer people and (impotently, but still) threatening to destroy the government over matters of simple equality. He is a frothing, virulent bigot.

Don’t pay to see his movie. Don’t let a cent of your money go to him or encourage the studio to make more films which make him more money to give to people who think pro-equality governments are their mortal enemy.

Co-signing this. OSC is also the unbearable shitbiscuit who described heterosexual relationships as “suppression of natural desires, and an unending effort to learn how to get through the intersexual swamp” and wrote the worst Hamlet AU ever, wherein Horatio, Laertes, Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern are all gay-by-molestation and ends with Hamlet being dragged to Hell by his father’s ghost, where he’ll get molested for all eternity. Why are all of them gay-by-molestation? Maybe it has something to do with what he thinks homosexuality is:

“There is a myth that homosexuals are ‘born that way,’ and we are pounded with this idea so thoroughly that many people think that somebody, somewhere, must have proved it […] The dark secret of homosexual society—the one that dares not speak its name—is how many homosexuals first entered into that world through a disturbing seduction or rape or molestation or abuse, and how many of them yearn to get out of the homosexual community and live normally.”

fennnekin:

ACTUALLY IM GOING TO RANT ABOUT THINGS EVEN MORE.

I DON’T like the positivity movements as much as I used to.  Sex positive attitudes and body positive attitudes are really good, don’t get me wrong, they’re progressive, but the overlook plenty of harmful attitudes and behaviors.

Sex positivity, while at its core preaches not being ashamed of your body and fights against the misogynistic notion that women shouldn’t enjoy sex, can be pretty problematic, especially because there’s never room for criticism.  People pushing their kinks into other peoples faces even if it makes them uncomfortable, for example, like that secret vagina post going around, which, while funny, also illustrated this ridiculous notion that EVERYONE has to be comfortable with EVERYTHING NO MATTER WHAT otherwise you’re a kink shaming, prudish asshole.  And what, exactly is wrong with being a prude??  Why does a person HAVE to love sex??  Why is it that suddenly you’re just turning around and shaming other people.  Asexuals exist, people with low libidos exist, people who just do not give a shit exist.

Another matter is something I’ve seen in the kink community, with the instances of dom/sub abuse, where the sub is horribly abused, but any sort of criticism is shot down by the ‘WERE NOT ALL LIKE THAT’ argument.  This is not okay, you’re taking the voice away from victims and making it about you.  Criticism is vital to any sort of movement, because no movement is perfect, and I say this time and time again.

Moving on to body positivity, I ranted about this earlier already.  Body positivity is fantastic, the notion that people shouldn’t shame others for how they look is great, but again, problems with it.  Let me start with the obvious, “bones are for dogs, meat is for men”.  I’m going to ignore the gross assumption that yes everything a woman does is for MEN, and move on to the idea that insulting peoples bodies in the name of body positivity is okay.

“Oh, but Xeno, skinny people dominate everywhere else!!  What’s wrong with having a safe space for us??”  STOP.  Tumblr is not a safe space for anyone, and I’ve ranted before at how much I hate “Tumblr Inclusiveness” and its toxicity, and this includes pretending tumblr is a safe space.  There are so many different types of people here on tumblr, people of different sizes and genders and sexual orientations, and acting like this is just a safe space for YOU doesn’t give you the right to say these things, especially if you tout how open minded you are.  

In the same way that sometimes bigger people can’t control their weight due to health reasons and just bone structure and DNA, the same applies to some skinnier people.  And yet suddenly its cool to throw vitriol at the “opposing team” to make up for the shit thrown at you.

And how about the notion that “you’re beautiful you don’t need to wear make up or expensive clothes or anything”.  Except, you want people to feel beautiful, don’t you?  Sometimes people wear things to look attractive in the eyes of society and not get harassed, and yes, that’s problematic, but not because of them, but because of the harassment a person faces.  If a person just genuinely likes wearing these things, who cares? Why do you HAVE to give them your opinion in terms of how they look better without it?  It can just be a personal thing, they’re not doing it for you or anyone else. (of course, that idea is problematic as well, because a lot of these things don’t exist in a void, and women who wear make up and high heels still tend to get bothered especially because they’re “doing it for men”, but that’s a rant for another time.)

And finally, the idea that a person trying to lose weight is “fat shaming”, because they don’t feel comfortable in their own body as it is.  I’m going to get a bit anecdotal for a second just to mention that I feel insecure about my body, as I used to be very skinny and high school and gained some weight.  The reaction to me telling my friends I wanted to lose weight again was surprisingly negative because “oh no your belly fat is going to be gone!!” or “You’re so skinny though!!”  and while the intent is appreciated, it doesn’t fix everything.  A person doesn’t feel better about themselves just because other people tell them nice things.  If a person wants to lose weight, they’re not body shaming, they’re doing something for themselves.

I really do hope I don’t offend anyone with my opinions, as that isn’t my intent at all, thank you if you read all of this.  And also, if anyone would like to discuss or argue my points, please feel free!  I’m always open to learning other peoples ideas and broadening my own mind.

As a sex positive/body positive/kinky person, I have to argue some points?

Like, sex positivity isn’t EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME. It’s “do with your body what you want to,” which includes not having sex, if that’s your thing. You just have to choose not to have sex for the right reasons - not because you think someone who has sex is dirty and shameful, but because you just don’t like it or you’ve had a bad experience and aren’t interested or something or you are making a conscious religious choice. So “sex positive” blogs that shame asexual people aren’t sex positive. Full stop.

“Body positive” blogs that shame skinny people aren’t body positive. Full stop. And while there is definitely an issue with the idea that women need makeup to be attractive, there is a definite trend in the femme/sex positive communities to not demonize makeup, if it is someone’s informed choice.

The problem kinky people have with being called abusers is that some people think that kink is inherently abuse, no matter what safeguards are in place or what context it’s in. So kinky people tend to be a bit prickly about being called abusers, especially since in some areas they could get arrested even for consensual kink. That’s not to say there isn’t an abuse problem in the kink community (and Cliff Pervocracy has written several excellent posts on that subject), but it tends to be a criticism leveled at the kink community regardless of whether or not what’s happening is actual abuse, is the thing.

So basically, everyone should be allowed to do with their bodies what they want, so long as it’s an informed choice, and people who say otherwise and still claim to be positive are not actually positive.

ericasana:

thepetpopulation:

I’m probably in the minority here, but I’m going to say it. I am more passionate about issues facing animals than issues facing people.

People don’t have their suffering or sentience disputed.
People aren’t routinely murdered for food or fashion.
people aren’t killed because there’s too many of them.
people aren’t tortured in the name of medical advancement.
People aren’t tortured to make other people beautiful.
People aren’t killed because there’s no homes for them.
People aren’t killed for being a nuisance. 
People don’t have their children ripped away from them so someone can have an ice cream cone.
People aren’t put in a grinder alive so someone can eat menses.
People aren’t put in small enclosures and made to perform tricks.
People don’t justify doing these things to other people.

When there’s a larger voice for animals I’ll start caring about people issues more.

Animals cannot stand up for themselves. Human minority groups may only have a small voice, but at least they have one. You may see a lot of vegans put animals first… That’s because the animals need vegans. Vegans are pretty much the only voice that the animals have against their oppression. Vegans, who are ridiculed and written off as radicals.

Yes, I’m sure that the first slaves, who could not speak English; and the Native Americans, who not only did not speak English, but had a completely different system of values than the colonialists; and the Jews, who systemically had their rights stripped from them to the point that them being tortured and killed was normal; and women, whose voices were dismissed as the ramblings of someone with at best no sense of morals and at worst a mental illness, all were able to speak for themselves and were totally taken seriously.

I’m sure that now, everything is totally hunky-fucking-dory, and no one ever says that a woman, a person of color (especially one that cannot speak English), an overweight person, a disabled person, a queer person, is overreacting to issues that affect them. That is why we are constantly making strides towards equality, and no one is ever silenced or murdered because of their beliefs.

People call vegans radical because they blithely dismiss the suffering of others and cloak it in a mantel of moral superiority.

(via burn-thenightaway)

so-fucking-special:

rag—andbone:

justthinklove:

The friendzone has nothing to do with sex, or entitlement, at least it never has in my experience.I am not going to say that any girl should be forced to reciprocate feelings. But when a girl says things like “You’re the best guy I know,” or, “I wish more guys were like you,” that is entirely confusing, and even more frustrating. If you wish more guys were like me, then I’m just going to sit here and wait for a reason why we can’t be together. Besides, in a healthy friendship, the foundations for a healthy relationship are already there. Trust, caring, the ability for a good time. You can’t seriously be mad at a guy for hoping for things. And I promise,more often than not,when a guy first becomes friends with a girl, a friendship is all he wants. But guess what? Feelings evolve. Stop  making guys who have to deal with the constant pain of unrequited love feel even shittier about themselves, they don’t deserve it.

w o w 

LOL MALE TEARS

CRY ME A RIVER~~~

OK, OP, lemme learn ya somethin:

You know what? Yes, unrequited feelings hurt. Oh, they hurt so much. And yeah, feelings evolve, and sometimes you can start out as friends and then you get deeper feelings and it hurts soooooo much.

But let’s get a few things straight:

• Just because your feelings have evolved doesn’t mean hers have.
• If she says that she wants a guy like you, and that guy isn’t you, she doesn’t want you.
• Even if she does want you and is being clumsy about it, tough titties. If neither of you can say, “Hey, wanna go out with me?”, then neither of you is ready for a relationship.

The idea that all you have to do is fulfill some checklist you think she has and all your relationship dreams will come true is a fantasy. Very few relationships work like that. Sometimes you can be the best of friends with someone and one of you just doesn’t feel any deeper, and that’s OK.

Also, let me explain something to you: the friendzone is sexist because it creates a double standard along gender lines. If a guy rejects a girl, clearly it’s because there’s something wrong with her: she’s unnattractive, she’s too needy, she’s too desperate, she’s a prude, she’s a slut, she’s whatever adjective here. If a girl rejects a guy… it’s still her fault. Because she’s shallow, she doesn’t see what a nice guy he is, she’s so stupid she only dates assholes, she’s just looking to date a jerk, she only dates rich guys, clearly this is somehow still her fault. This is what we call sexism, and it is not okay.