"And how should I presume?"
Cast of characters: My adorable sister (and tag)
The Wash to my Zoe (and tag)
The John to my Sherlock
IRL Keladry of Mindelan
Insomnia buddy/fanfic rec machine
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How come nobody ever talks about the people who come out as gay (or lesbian) before they realize they’re bi?
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Stephen Colbert salutes UVA’s Class of 2013 Followed by this.
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Not Iambic….Do Not...
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OK BYE EVERYONE DIMENSION DOOR-ING THEFUDGE OUT OF HERE
Common Myths About Bisexuality from the lovely Webcomic “Jesus Loves Lesbians, Too” by bi blogger & author Maria Burnham (writer/memoirist) and Maggie Siegel-Berele (comic artist).
from Attitudes and Self-Images of Male and Female Bisexuals by Carol D. Bronn
“both worlds are closets”
Ouch. That one hit home.
(via loveintheshadowsistheonlykind)
For people wondering why bisexuals don’t have straight privilege: there you fucking go.
Hello, everyone! My name is Chanthou and I am a (queer) college student doing research of the LGBTQ community. More specifically, I’m researching the view of bisexuality within the LGBTQ community. I need the opinions of all people regardless of sexuality.
If you would like to participate, please click here to take my survey. This survey is 100% confidential and will not ask for personal data (name, location, etc). It is only 10 questions long and takes about 5 - 7 minutes.
If you have any questions, concerns, or comments, feel free to send me an ask.
Thank you!
(via asexualxbisexual)
twbasketcase, thank you.
(via anelledisa)
just need to sit down from the beauty of that article jesus christ
(via grimgrinninggirl)
bisexual guys are assumed to be secretly gay
bisexual girls are assumed to be secretly straight
both are assumed to secretly like men
see what i’m getting at?
(via biggerbadderlatterday)
The “New Way for Gay Characters in Y.A.” looks pretty much the same
So today a co-worker pointed me to an article on The Atlantic called “A New Way for Gay Characters in Y.A.”. I was sad to see it was another article that seems inclusive on the surface as it talks about defining LGBT teens as being more than their sexual orientation. But a deeper look at the nature of this piece revealed some troubling flaws.
Of the 29 YA books mentioned in this article, the break down is :
17 feature gay males
6 feature lesbians
4 I was unable to determine (not released yet, reviews didn’t say, I am unfamiliar)
2 feature transgender people
0 feature bisexuals (technically Geography Club has Min, a bisexual secondary character, but let’s be frank - the book is entirely focused on Russell’s gayness)Gay men in YA might be bored with coming out stories and ready to move on to the next big thing, but what about the rest of the LB&T? If publishers are not, as David Levithan claims, “scared [of books featuring LGBT characters]” then why is it so hard to find the LB&Ts? How is more of the same lack of these characters a “New Way”?
And of particular concern for this blog, what about the ZERO titles mentioned in this story with bisexual protagonists or themes? Doesn’t it seem a bit premature to call for the end of the coming out story when teen bisexuals have next to no visibility in YA lit? Especially when one considers that bisexuals outnumber gay and lesbian people combined?
Don’t even get me started on the overall whiteness of this list too. Even among YA books featuring gay men, it is rare to find a protagonist who isn’t white. The truth is we may be swimming in white gay men, but I have yet to find a single book featuring a bisexual transgendered person of color. Those teens deserve to see their coming out stories in YA lit too, not to have the particular issues faced by their identities brushed aside because we’ve supposedly been there.
Also - and this is pointed right at the editors at The Atlantic - LGBT is not a synonym for gay. You may be arguing that gay characters are everywhere, but lesbian, bisexual, and transgender characters still take detective work to find, even in your own article. Had this article been about gay YA books and only gay YA books, then I think it would have been a solid piece. Throwing the token acronym LGBT without recognizing that three of the four letters are under-represented (if represented at all) is just shoddy journalism.
~ Sarah
Had to bold those points, because YES. That is how most things that claim to be “LGBT” usually break down (except usually there are even fewer trans books/people mentioned). Almost entirely gay, with a few token lesbians thrown in, and maybe one or two bisexual or trans mentions. It’s okay to just say you’re talking about gay male issues, just don’t claim to be representing people you’re not.
this is especially striking given the gender disproportion in YA more broadly. YA is definitely majority female-protagonist, so why is LGBTQ YA so predominantly male-protagonist? I don’t have an answer, it just struck me. anyway…
Wow, male privilege is a thing even in gay rights.
This is a really important discussion, everyone. We need to talk more about this.
I’m curious also about the two transgender stories, and do any of them feature genderqueer or agender people? These people exist too, and have a definite lack of stories & representation in media.
I’m sorry, what was that about biphobia and bisexual erasure not existing again?
Anonymous Asks:
bemusedlybespectacled Said:
OK, I’m going to be honest here: if you’re afraid at all about their reaction if you come out to them, don’t tell them.
Sometimes staying in the closet is the least painful option. Is listening to ignorant shit hard? Fuck yes. Is it better than being worried for your physical and mental wellbeing? Fuck yes.
Now, I don’t know your parents or your situation with them. If you think there’s a chance to convince them to be more tolerant, then my suggestion would be to quietly redirect and change the subject.
Example:
“Oh, those gays are all child molesters!”
“Eh, being gay doesn’t actually have anything to do with child molestation, Dad. They’ve done studies. Anyway, about this other thing…”
“Ugh, those bisexuals are all whores!”
“Well, not all straight people like all other people of the opposite gender. Maybe that’s the same with bi people. Anyhoo…”
But I would recommend against this unless you’re sure it’s safe. Otherwise, don’t do it.
It’s not because these communities created bi oppression.
It’s not because these communities are the only ones perpetuating this oppression.
It’s not because these communities have more power with regard to eliminating this oppression than straight folks.
It’s because access to queer communities is important for queer people.
An excellent point.
I (and I’m sure many others) feel very excluded from the communities that we have every right to be a part of. We want “safe spaces” and communities and get told we’re not “real” enough to be a part of these things.
Also, I feel like we tend to hold gay people to a higher standard than straight people. We expect straight people to be insensitive, misinformed, and prejudiced because many of them don’t know any better.
Gay people do know better though (or at least they should). They know how bad it feels to be exluded, judged, and treated unequally based on their sexual orientation. So when they do those things to us in the full knowledge of how nasty and hurtful it is, I think we tend to take it a lot more personally than when a straight person does it.
It’s almost like you’d expect people whose entire rhetoric is focused around not mistreating people based on sexual orientation to, you know, not mistreat people based on their sexual orientation.
(via bisexualftw)
Hi there thedailytennant, I have some issues with this post. Can’t reblog asks any so I’m gonna do it this way and send you a link. Basically what you’re saying is incorrect and also cissexist.
basically the difference is that bisexual people follow the gender binary in that there are men, and there are women, and they like those two genders. pansexuality is more open to gender as a spectrum. the way i see it is that bisexual people like men and women, whereas pansexual like people.
This sounds like you’re saying not just that our attraction only falls within the gender binary, but that we only see the gender binary. FYI most of us these days define our bisexuality as attraction to more than one gender. Most of us are cool with non-binary peeps, many of us are non-binary peeps. Stuff like this erases my non-binary siblings and that’s not cool.
it does get a bit confusing because as far as transgender/genderqueer people go, there’s always the question of what gender actually is (because whether you refer to someone as a girl or a guy or agender, their mind and body are still the same mind and body) and whether there’s actually such thing or if we’re just reacting to stereotypes — i could say i’m actually a guy because i’m more comfortable in guy clothes and doing guy things, but girls can stereotypically guy things too and still be girls. how does someone know they’re the opposite gender form their sex? sometimes i feel more like the opposite sex than my own, but i’m just not typical to my gender.
Whoa this sounds like you’re doubting the legitimacy of non-cis gender identities, which is really uncool. Anon didn’t even ask for your thoughts on gender so why are you philosophizing?
so i have a lot of thoughts about this but you didn’t ask for me to puke them out here haha so just know that bisexual people like boys with boy bits and girls with girl bits and pansexual people like anyone regardless of bits.
Whoooooa hold it there. Even if you cling to your narrow definition of bisexual as ”likes men and women” you gotta admit that trans men and trans women are men and women. Saying anything else is cissexist.
Also the rest of us don’t like people because of their genitalia so wtf.
In conclusion, read this, please.
ahhh, another day, another accusation of bisexuals somehow being ~~lesser~~ than pansexuals.
thanks for the excellent rebuttal, absquesetentia!
Think I’m gonna have to disagree on several points here. I think my biggest complaint though is that the “read this” we’re directed to basically wants to ignore the definition of the word bisexual and pretend like it can be whatever they choose to define it as. The term, bisexual was coined at a point where gender was still viewed as a very binary thing - at least, far more so than it is today. The definition of bisexual, when you look it up in the dictionary is attracted to both men and women. Saying that the etymology is inaccurate (and comparing the bi in bisexual to the pig in guinea pig) is disingenuous. All the arguments presented by the various links come down to ignoring both the etymology and dictionary definition of bisexual.
The term pansexual was coined because some people felt the term bisexual excluded people they were attracted to. Their issue was with the term, not bisexuals. Most people I know that have adopted the term pansexual actually have a sexual orientation that is no different from most bisexuals I know. In most cases, the only difference is semantics and the interest in having to explain your sexuality when identifying as pansexual. When trying to explain what pansexuality is to bisexuals who hadn’t heard the term before, the most common response I get is “Well that’s no different from me.”
As someone who’s identified as pansexual for many years, I still use the term bisexual in most cases because I don’t want to have to explain why pansexual is a more accurate term to people who don’t get that gender exists outside of a binary. I don’t want to have to get into a long winded explanation of the gender spectrum with people when I can say bisexual and they understand what I mean.
When it really comes down to it, the two groups of people are, all too often, talking about the same thing, so bickering over the term, giving off so much hate from one side to the other (and from what I see, it’s apparently on both sides) is ridiculous. It’s just as bad as the Gay and Lesbian community giving off hate toward bisexuals and really pushes people like me to not being involved with any of these communities.
Actually, it can be whatever we choose to define it as. Here’s the etymology: The word ”bisexual” comes from a time when they thought gay men must have minds like women and lesbians must have minds like men. They invented the term ”psychosexual hermaphrodite” to explain us. Meaning we must be ”both” sexes. Bisexual was an easier way of saying that, but eventually the meaning changed. (source, and another)
Now here’s the thing. We bisexuals have claimed this word, and we have defined it however we damn well pleased since at least the birth of the bisexual movement in the 80s. We have been defining it in ways that went beyond the binary since at least 1990. All of this, we’ve been doing for decades, but of course the men writing the dictionary couldn’t give two shits about it. Because who writes the dictionary? Cishet white upper-class white male academics. I think we all know how likely they are to listen to oppressed groups.
I do agree, though, that we have far more in common than we have differences. That’s why it hurts so much to see people scrambling to get away from the bisexual label, to see people mischaracterize us and our sexuality in order to validate their own.
yessss, precious precious commentary
(via bisexualftw)
my favorite part of being bi/pan/whatever is worrying about if i’m really queer enough for the queer movement
Yup. “Am I still queer though I’ve only ever dated dudes and the dude I’m dating is basically endgame so I’ll never date a lady in my life?”
And then said dude points out that he was straight before he dated me, so dating experience =/= orientation, therefore we’re queer by ID so we’re queer enough for queer folk.
Unless they’re monosexist queer folk, but they can go suck it, so.
Anonymous Asks:
bemusedlybespectacled Said:
Nah, it’s just that it was a heavy topic and I didn’t want to answer it without mulling it over.
I think I’m struggling with some biphobic feelings and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m a woman with another woman and we just recently talked about past partners, and she has been with men before, and something about that makes me really anxious and freaked out. I don’t think she’s lesser for having been with men, exactly, it’s just thinking about it makes me feel like crying and almost makes me have an anxiety attack. Any advice? :(
I’m thinking that this may be you’ve internalized biphobia, or it could be more of a jealousy thing than a biphobic thing. It depends on if you’re anxious that she’s been with men because they’re men, or if your’e anxious that she’s been with other people at all. It could be that you’re somehow feeling inadequate to men for whatever reason, which is a self esteem issue but not biphobia. Or you’re afraid she’ll cheat on you with a man, which is biphobic. It’s more your thoughts regarding the men rather than just the fact of them being men.
You do not get to say that they’re just people trying to be “different”. You do not get to say “they’re all the same anyway” and refer to someone by a label that does not fit them. You do not get to say that these sexualities do not exist.
We clear?
Tacking on to that: no identity is better or worse than another one. Pansexuals should stop calling bisexuals transphobes and binarists and bisexuals should stop calling pansexuals special snowflakes. Capisce?
Ryan Murphy, in an email to Perez Hilton last year. EXCUSE ME I NEED TO PLAN A MURDER. (via midnightstreet)
BECAUSE IT’S NOT LIKE BI KIDS NEED ROLE MODELS OR ANYTHING.
FUCK YOU, RYAN MURPHY. FUCK YOU.
(via midnightstreet)
